


Always and Forever.| a reylo highchool au🦋

by T1lly1



Category: Reylo - Fandom
Genre: AU, Ben Solo - Freeform, Other, Rey - Freeform, Reylo - Freeform, Starwars - Freeform, highschoolAU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:35:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 16,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24644920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/T1lly1/pseuds/T1lly1
Summary: Always & Forever🦋-Rey is an insecure teen, but she is also strong and doesn't let anyone get to her, or her friends.Kylo is part of the school's 'gang' and he pretends he is tough and bad like his so- called friends, but he is just a scared little boy in reality. When they meet, their personalities collide, and so do their friends. What happens when feelings start to get involved?-Thanks  for reading!🦋-May 2020
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	1. 1.| Jackass.

Rey's Pov |.  
-  
New school, new life, new school, new life. I've been telling myself that over and over for the last half an hour. I pull my denim jeans up as I stand up, I need a belt, but I don't have one that fits. My little waist gets smaller quickly and I haven't eaten much the last few days, I stare at myself in the mirror, god what was I thinking? I can't wear that! I pull out an extremely large hoodie, it reaches my knees, but then people won't be able see how thin I am, and judge me. I peel myself out of the jeans too, people would have things to say about the rips that go all the way up my thigh. I pull on some loosely fitting jogging bottoms, and my colourful socks, I don't believe in boring socks. I've got to have a little bit of colour in my life. I look down at the plaited leather bracelet, it was the one thing my parents left with me, before they left me. Then I reach for my black nike trainers, they're my favourite, with the large white tick that I've managed to keep white, surprisingly. 

I look at myself again, this time a little happier. But my face, god. I keep my hair down so I can hide behind it, and I put my hood up. But it's still not enough. I grab some sunglasses to hide the nasty purple bruise, on my eye. People won't be able to tell what I look like, but that's the point. Then I check my phone, I'm up way to early, school starts at 9am, and it still only 6am. But I have to get out of the house before he wakes up. I shiver, just from the thought of him. So I tiptoe out of my room, lightly closing the door behind me. Then I reach the front door, and on the mat is a letter, addressed to UNKAR PLUTT. I think of a tealing it, and reading it, but I don't want anymore trouble from the man I call my foster father. 

I walk quickly, not many people are out and about at this time, but those that are, their eyes follow me, their stares burning into my back. I keep my head down, and walk faster, reaching the nearest bus stop in record time. When I arrive it's almost 6:15 am, so I won't have to wait long, I slip my AirPods in and play my favourite song, 'Light' by Sleeping At Last. And I put the volume on half way, I still want to be able to hear things, just to be on the safe side. 

The bus screeches to a holt minutes later, the high pitched noise wakes me from my thoughts. I whip out my phone and pause the song, ripping my AirPods from my ears and shoving them into their case. I snap the lid closed and place them into my pocket with my phone. I keep one hand in my pocket holding them, ensuring they don't fall out, or making sure someone doesn't steal them, with the other hand, I grip the handle and pull myself up the huge stairs.  
"Hello there!" The bus driver exclaims as I look up at him. I return the hello with a shy smile, and I bring my phone back out, ripping the clear/flowery case from its back, and handing him the scrunched up £5 note. He nods his head in a thanks, and hands me £3 change. The bus is pretty much empty, there is one old lady, who looks kind and she smells like old books, I love that smell. I glance down at her lap, she's holding the book 'Anne of Green Gables.'  
"I love that book!" I smile, I have read it many times, she returns the smile and says with a shaky voice,  
"Me too, it's my favourite." 

I sit on a row or two back from the lady. I pull out my phone, and tap Instagram. I click the 'activity' button and to my surprise I have been tagged in a post. I click on the post, it's Millie, a girl from my old school. She has posted a selfie, she has a very small top on, and I admire and envy her confidence.  
'Millie🥵xx'  
'Sexyyy girlie ;)'  
'Teach me! <3'  
The comments jump out at me. I wonder what it feels like to have people say those things about you. I comment a quick '😍' emoji and click on my home page. I like a cute video of a dog swimming, and look at people's stories. It's early so only people that live elsewhere have put much on. Some people have been painting, others doing that poll thing where they say 'M8 or D8.' or '😍or 🤢' I tap 'M8' and '😍' and leave the app. 

I look outside not a second too late, and I see the school I am meant to be going to. I rush to the front of the bus, shoving my phone in my pocket, I press the stop button quickly and the bus slows to a halt. I thank the driver and hurtle myself onto the concrete below, missing all three steps. I check the time, it's near enough 7:15 am, still got ages until school starts, nevertheless I make my way toward the building, nerves rising as the bus drives away. I reach the door and stop myself, taking a deep breath before carrying on, through the clear door. 

The posters on the walls catch my eye, and then I remember I need to know which classroom I'm in, I pull out my phone again, and I press the photo I took of the papers the school sent.  
Rey Plutt, classroom A67, Mr Skywalker.  
I hate that name, I wish I knew my real name, I don't want his last name. I look up at the door I am standing next to. It says A59 so I carry on a little longer, but then I realise the numbers are getting smaller, so I turn around and walk the right way down the corridor.  
A65, A66...  
I look up, and sure enough, there it was. My new classroom. 

It looks empty, so I go in, and I mentally chose which chair to sit in, I do not want to be centre of attention, or be picked on by the teacher, so I chose the chair in the very corner, each desk has two chairs so I assume I will have to sit next to someone. I sit in 'my' chair and get out my phone again. I am silently in my own bubble of thought, when the door flies open and a football flies my way, hitting my head.   
"Ow! What?" I ask confused.  
"I'm sorry princess." The boy who threw it says, his voice dripping with sarcasm. His mate laughs, and I don't want to look up in case they take the piss out of my appearance, so I just stand up, and shout  
'Jackass." At him, and leave the room. 

A/N:  
Thanks for reading🦋


	2. 2.| Holy Shit.

Rey's Pov |.  
-  
I sit outside the classroom, on the floor, not daring to go back in, but I know I've left my phone on the desk. I keep trying to muster up my own courage, but I don't seem to be able to find any.   
"Hi! Are you okay down there?" A cheery voice asks.  
"Yeah, why are you down there?" Another asks with a hint of concern in his tone.  
"Oh, I-I..." I stutter, not really knowing what to say or do.  
"Here." The first voice says, and I look up at him for the first time, he has his arm outstretched. I take his hand and he pulls me up onto my feet. I get a good look at both of them. One is dark skinned, and has darker hair, he has a kind face, and the other is pale, and has dark hair too.   
"Are you new here? I don't think I've seen you around before." The darker one says.   
"Y-yes." I manage.  
"Oh hello! I'm Poe, and this is Finn. Are you in Skywalker's class?" The other says. I nod.  
"I'm Rey." I say quietly. These boys seem nice. 

"Why were you on the floor?" Finn asks, and we all laugh.  
"This guy and his friend threw a ball at my head." I tell them.   
"Who was it?" Poe asks, shocked.  
"I didn't see their faces." I confess. We peer into the classroom and I see an extremely tall man with very little hair.  
"F.O is in our class." Finn says solemnly.   
"Who?" I ask. Right before I am interrupted by a small energetic girl.   
"Hey guys!" She shouts loudly.  
"Rose!" Poe and Finn exclaim in usion. The three have a long group hug, while I just stand there awkwardly.

"Rey! This is Rose, our best friend." Poe says.  
"Hi, I'm Rey, I'm new here, I'm happy to have met you." I start. But before I can say anything else, she pulls me into a tight hug, and whispers in my ear.  
"We're going to be best friends, I just know it." And I just stay silent. 

Then I notice something,  
"Hey, you three all have black hair!" God I'm so stupid, why would I say that? I bet I sound like a 2 year old.  
"Hahah oh yea! I've actually never noticed that!" Finn says.  
"Who's F.O?" I ask suddenly remembering Poe's reaction to seeing that bald man in our classroom.  
"F.O is the First Order. They are like our schools gang." Rose explains.  
"Yeah. There is Snoke, the leader. He is the worst, he doesn't care about anything or anyone. He's that one with no hair and loads of tattoos. Then there's Hux, he's loyal to Snoke until the end. He's the ginger one. The last two are a little different though. There's Phasma, she's got short blonde hair. She's not so bad really. I think she just got mixed up with the wrong people." Poe says.  
"And the last one?" I ask.  
"Kylo, he's got long dark hair, all the girls are after him. He's Snoke's second in command. But really I think he's only in the group because his uncle is headteacher so they can get away with more stuff. All together though, they are vile." 

"I left my phone in there, with two of them." I confess.  
"Shit." Poe says.  
"I'm sorry." I apologise. I've already caused trouble for them.  
"Guys, there's two of them, and four of us. Let's go." Rose says cheerfully. And we all follow her inside.   
"And then I..." Snoke turns around to look at us, finishing his conversation quicker than intended.  
"Well if it isn't Rosie, Finnie and Poey." He snarls. I get a look at his face for the first time. He is nearly completely bald, god knows what happened to his hair. He has black eyes, millions of scars. And that's just his face. He wears a a leather jacket and jeans, but I can assume he has scars like that all over.   
"Look, as well! It's Princess!" Another voice grabs my attention. I jerk my head to the side.  
"Holy shit." I say, louder than intended.  
"Like what you see, eh?" He says. He's not wrong, I do like what I see. He has a very muscular frame, black hair that frames his face. And a single scar that goes from the top of his head, down through his left eye, and down his chest. He wears a matching leather jacket, and black jeans. 

We walk past them, to the desk where I left my phone. It's not there.   
"Hey, Jackass? Where's my phone?" I marvel at my own confidence.  
"Yo, you talking to..me?" Kylo asks, surprised.  
"Duh, I thought that was obvious. Where is my phone?" I press on. Some more kids enter the room, watching us all.   
"What have you done with it?" I repeat. He leans in closer, and I feel my knees go weak.   
"You know I can take whatever I want." He smirks.   
"Get off me, Jackass." I push him.  
"You're going to regret that, Princess." Snoke pipes up.  
"Just like your mum regretted getting pregnant with you?" I ask, and a chorus of laughs echo around the room.   
"So you think, that you come to this school, make friends with the losers, insult me and Snoke, and still live to tell the tale." Kylo asks.   
"How about you join the First Order. We need someone like you. I like your fire." He outstretches an arm, and continues,  
"Stay away from these losers, and join me." I slap his arm down.  
"Don't talk about my friends that way." I seethe.

"You made your bed, lie in it." Snoke grips my shoulders and pushes me around. I've had enough. I swing my fist round, hitting him in the face, harder than I had intended.   
"Give me back my phone, and you get to keep your face bruise-free too." I tell Kylo.   
"Little bitch!" Snoke yells at me. Lurching forward. I knee him in the balls, and he doubles up, lying on the floor in pain. The whole room erupts in laughter, including Kylo. But then an older man walks in.   
"What the hell is going on here?" He shouts, and every single kid in the room, apart from Kylo, Snoke, me and my friends, rush to a seat.   
"Rey, Snoke and B-Kylo, stay after registration." He sighs.   
"We will wait outside for you." Poe whispers. 

A/N:  
I am really proud of this story so far!! 🦋


	3. 3.| It’s not like that.

Rey's Pov |.  
-  
"Now, all of you, stand back up. I have made a seating plan." The teacher laughs. I almost laugh too. Mr Skywalker knows what he's doing, I like him. But the class seems to disagree, as a long and milked groan erupts through the classroom.   
"Snoke you're up front with me, and Kelly," he sighs,  
"You get to sit next to him." The poor girl goes very quiet, but does what she's told. But I notice, she's hardly sat on her chair, on the furthest sliver of plastic to get away from him. Skywalker called out multiple names I had never heard of, and after a while, I knew who everyone was. Unfortunately, there was four people left standing, and me, Kylo and Hux were part of that four. Which meant I could end up sitting with him. Poe has got lucky and was sat with Rose, Skywalker seems to be doing boy-girl, boy-girl. However Finn got sat with Phasma. Hux was standing up with Kylo and me, so I could either be sat with Hux, or Kylo. Great.

"Kylo, I want you here, near me.." he pauses, and I realise he's put all of the F.O on the front row, and Snoke's desk is literally touching his.   
".. and Rey!" He says loudly as if he's just come up with that part. I realise what he means. I'm sat by Kylo.   
"Oh, Rey. Take your sunglasses off inside please, your hood should also be down." Shit shit shit. I take off my sunglasses, but I'm not touching my hood. As I sit down, I notice Kylo staring up at me.   
"Take a picture and it will last longer." I say quietly to him.   
"No I was just admiring your bruise, not such a good girl now huh?" Goddammit that voice, I swear it will  
kill me. Does he think I get in fights, and that's where that bruise was from?   
"It's not like that." I mutter. I touch it lightly, wincing at my own touch. Then I realise, he has my phone out, he's flicking through things, but I can't see what he's doing on it. It makes me nervous.

Skywalker welcomes the class to a new year. Kylo raises his hand. Clearly to ask the teacher a question, but his sudden movement, catches me by surprise and triggers me. I flinch, and all I can think is, he's going to hit me, just like Unkar does. So I stay still, eyes closed waiting for the blow.   
"Are you okay?" I hear a voice from above me. It's Kylo, and he's not mocking me, there is real concern in his voice. I open my eyes,   
"S-sorry." I stutter, I'm shaking. He looks at me weirdly.  
"What did I do?" He asks, clearly confused.  
"N-nothing. It's f-fine." I lie, and I don't think he believes me, but he doesn't raise his hand again, and he doesn't ask anymore questions.

Skywalker finishes the register, and he lets everyone go, apart from me, Kylo and Snoke. Through the small window in the door, I can see Rose, Finn and Poe staring at me nervously.  
"Would anyone like to tell me what happened?" He asks calmly. I'm not snitch, and I'm sure Kylo and Snoke won't rat themselves out, so we all just stay silent.   
"Rey, I saw you punch and kick Snoke." He says.  
"Yeah, she did." Snoke continues.  
"I'm sorry, Snoke." I say to him. Kylo stays silent.  
"Kylo, have you got anything to say?" Skywalker asks.  
"Here." He reaches into his pocket, and brings out a phone, handing it to me and hiding his hands back away into his pocket.   
"Thanks.." I mutter, and Skywalker looks pleased with himself, like he just made 2 new friends for me or something.   
"Off you go now." He says.

"What happened?" Rose asks, the second Kylo and Snoke are too far away to hear us.  
"Nothing really, I got back my phone though." I tell them, and they look disappointed. I think they wanted Kylo and Snoke to get what they deserve. We walk for a while, and I ask,  
"What lesson do we have now?"   
"Chemistry." Finn replies. I kind of like Chemistry, I like the practicals. We get to the classroom, A45, and the teacher is stood by the door, ushering the children in. This teacher is incredibly small. His skin is so pale, it's like gone a weird green-y colour. He has wisps of white hair left on his head, and he must be old.  
"Yoda, I am. Chemistry this is. Seats, you may choose." He has a high pitched voice and his sentences don't make much sense.

I sit in between Rose and Finn, Poe is on the other side of Finn. Yoda starts telling us how to make a salt solution, or something like that. But then he goes to give out the papers, and realises he hasn't printed any off, so he walks slowly to the door and tells the class to stay quiet while he goes to get them. This is not going to go well...

I take out my phone, Kylo has been on it. I must have left it on, and need to know what he's seen, so I check what tabs he's been on, Instagram, that's okay, I don't have anything on there. Photos, the only photos I have are of when my old friends spammed me, I don't take selfies, never mind bad photos. People would judge, and he's also been on Moodpath. My heart sinks, shit shit. Moodpath is my online diary. I write everything in there, my home life, when Unkar hits me, my insecurities. Everything. My whole life, and Kylo has read all of it. I can only imagine that Snoke knows too, and Hux and Phasma.   
"Rey." A deep voice wakes me from my thoughts, it's Finn.  
"Are you okay?" He asks.  
"Yes." I lie.   
"Settle down, you must learn to." Yoda interrupts the chatter, and hands out papers. 

Next we have English. The teacher, Maz, is a very friendly woman. She has small eyes, but her glasses magnify them a lot. Before we sat down in our seats, she made us take a survey of what we preferred reading and writing, then she took a little time to analyse them, before seating us with people who had similar interests.   
"Rey.. and Kylo!" She announced. My heart sank. I trudged over to my desk and flopped down. This was going to be hell.   
-  
A/N:  
To be honest with you, after this book, you will prefer soft Kylo than Ben Solo 🦋


	4. 4.| Calligaphy?

Rey's Pov |.  
-  
"Horror and Thiller? Really?" Kylo asks as I sit next to him.  
"Guess you've got good taste." I reply. He smirks, and leans back on his chair.   
"Listen, about my phone.." I start, but I am interrupted by Maz,  
"Complete the sheet, then we will watch the video to see how many you got right!" She announces, before handing out the sheets, one by one.   
"Yeah, what was all that about Un-car?" Kylo asks, he looks concerned.   
"It's not true, it's just a story, I've written it." I say quickly.   
"But, your eye?" Kylo asks.  
"I ran into a lamppost when I was on a run." I lie. He reaches into his jacket pocket, and brings out a pen.   
"Oh shit." I say "I left my pen at home, do you have a spare one?" He shifts uncomfortably and blushes.   
"Yeh, one second." He says. He reaches into his bag, and pulls out a tin, on the front in huge letters is   
CALLIGRAPHY SET.

"Calligraphy?" I ask. I thought Kylo was supposed to be all tough and manly, and he has a calligraphy set!  
"It's stress relieving." He says, growing a deeper colour of red. My heart melts.   
"Kylo I can't use these, they look expensive. I'll ask someone else, thank you though." I tell him.  
"No! It's okay." He says, giving me a nice one. It touches my heart. Someone doing something nice for me. This feeling is a rare one. 

I stare down at my paper.   
Read the following, then answer the questions below.  
Then there is a papagraph about a girl being chased in the woods.   
1, How does the author show that Emily is scared?  
I pull the lid off Kylo's pen carefully, placing it on the table and admiring the nib.  
The author says things like 'her heart was pounding.' and 'even breathing was too loud. To remain safe she would have to be completely silent.' and this shows that Emily is scared without the author actually saying, 'Emily was scared.'   
I write carefully, the ink flows perfectly. 

I notice Kylo wincing in pain next to me, and his face has gone red. He is digging his nails into his palm, and with his other hand, he's grabbing his jeans in a fist.  
"Kylo?" I shake him from, whatever that was.   
"Are you okay?"   
"Umm, I have anger issues, and it's worse when I'm angry with myself." He says softly.  
"Why are you angry?" I ask, slightly regretting pushing him any further.  
"It's silly, but I can't do question 3." He admits.  
"It's not silly, look, the author puts 'the man had stealth like a wildcat' and that shows he is sneaky." I tell him the answer. He smiles at me gratefully, and starts writing it down. Kylo isn't what he seems...  
At the end of the lesson, Kylo tells me that I can keep the pen for the rest of the day and give it back in the last lesson.

"So, Rey, we want to know more about you and of course you probably want to know more about us too." Poe says as he sits down with his lunch tray.  
"Well, I'm called Rey, I'm 16, and I have a foster father." They look at me, confused, or shocked. "Yeah, my parents abandoned me when I was little, and I am lucky enough to be fostered." I explain.  
"Oh I'm sorry Rey." Finn says solemnly. After a little bit of awkward silence, Snoke makes his way to our table.   
"Hello your majesty princess," he says, bowing. Then Hux, Phasma and Kylo come and stand with him.   
"Well if it isn't the Fluffy Order!" I exclaim loudly, the room erupts in laughter.   
"We want to sit here. So move. Now." Hux demmands.  
"Aw Hugs! Hi, I don't think we have been properly introduced, I'm Rey, and I'm sitting here, with my friends."   
"It's not Hugs!" He says getting annoyed.  
"Aw, baby Hugs has spit his dummy out!" I laugh. The 'fluffy order' is so easy to wind up. 

"Sup, Phasma here, I like this girl!" Phasma says, giving me a smile, it's true what they said, Phasma isn't bad really.  
"Rey." I nod to her.  
"We sit here. Now move before I make you." Snoke has clearly had enough.   
"I'd like to see you try and do anything to me after this morning." I say, referencing earlier today, when he was lying on the floor in pain. Then Kylo steps in,  
"Rey, just move out the way." I was a little shocked because I thought we got on well in the other lessons. But it just made me more annoyed.  
"No."   
"Now."   
"Never." He punches the table in pure anger, clearly his anger issues have not been resolved.  
"Bye now 'fluffy order!'" I shout after they as they walk away in annoyance.  
"Girl, that was amazing, hilarious!" Phasma whispers to me, as they strut away.

We were still laughing about it until it was home time. I did not want to go back to Unkar, but I knew it would be worse if I didn't.   
"Bye Rey!" Finn, Poe and Rose shout.  
"Bye!" I wave back. Then I put my AirPods back in and play my playlist. Then I notice Kylo waking behind me.  
"What are you following me now?" I ask.  
"Sorry to disappoint, Princess but I'm catching a bus." He replies, matching my tone.  
"Oh, here..." I say, reaching into my pocket, and pulling out his pen.   
"Keep it." He replies gruffly. We walk along side each other for a while, in silence.  
Suddenly, out of no where a boy, about a year younger than us, creeps up behind us and pulls down my hood, the shock of the sudden contact, triggers something, and I close my eyes and prepare for the blows. I stay very still. 

When I open my eyes, Kylo is pinning down the boy,   
"Say sorry to her!" He yells.  
"I'm sorry!" He cries.  
"Never touch her again!" He says, giving the big a shove before releasing him. The boy scrambles to his feet and runs for his life. Kylo rushes over to me, and that's when I first realise I am crying.  
"Are you okay? Did he hurt you?" He asks  
"No.." my voice is shaky.  
"Rey, your face.." he says. Then I realise that he can see the cut on my cheek, the bruises and everything.  
"Who did that to you?" He asks.  
"No one.. I'm fine, really." I sob.  
"You can tell me.." he says, and something makes me believe him.  
-  
A/N:  
Omg, soft Kylo🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺  
Also, yall have NO idea how hard it is to type Kylo without it autocorrecting it to KYLE!!!😡  
🦋


	5. 5.| Ben.

Rey's Pov. |  
-  
Sometimes it's better to tell people you don't really know your problems, then they can't judge you,   
"I-I'm really insecure. About everything." I tell him.  
"What?" His voice is barely a whisper.  
"See these baggy clothes? It's to hide my body, my sunglasses, my hood and all of this hair is to hide my face. I hate how I look." I let the tears roll down my face.  
"No." He says simply. Almost as if he won't allow me to say it.  
"Yes." I pull my ginormous hoodie together and show off my body. But almost as soon as I do, I regret it.  
"Wow." Kylo says under his breath, I barely hear it and I wonder if I imagined it.  
"I-I also was abandoned at birth, and I have abandonment issues. I think I also have PTSD." Kylo looks at me, with sadness in his eyes.

Before I know what I'm even doing, he's wrapping his arms around me, and I'm crying into his chest, it's comforting.   
"It's not a made up story. Unkar is real. He's my foster father and everything he does. It's real." And he wraps his arms tighter around me. None of us say anything. We don't need to say anymore. The screeching noise of the bus slowing wakes us from out thoughts, and we break apart. Together we get on the bus, and we sit next to each other.   
"You're not bad, Kylo, and neither is Phasma. Why are you in that group?" I ask.  
"What do you mean the 'fluffy order?'" He asks, smirking.  
"Yeah."   
"Snoke, manipulated me, and Phasma. Hux isn't so bad either. He's just a bit naive. We can't leave. Snoke would probably kill us." I don't think he's joking.   
"My real name is Ben. Snoke made me change it."   
"Ben." I whisper. Laying my head on his shoulder.

I wake up, to Ben shaking me lightly. Thoughts rush through my mind, I'm on a bus, asleep with Ben, leaning on Ben.   
"I'm pretty sure this is your stop." He says, and I am I am in that state when you first wake up when you are too tired to think. So I follow him. He takes my hand and weaves our fingers together.  
"This isn't your stop?" I ask him as we walk along hand in hand.  
"It isn't usually, but I want a little talk with Unkar." He smiles at me. I must have looked worried because he continues.  
"Don't worry, it's going to be okay, baby." Shit shit shit shit shit. He blushes and quickly says,  
"I-I'm sorry I don't know why I said that." 

"Rey! Where the bloody hell have you been?" I hear Unkar's voice before I even open the door. Ben squeezes my hand in reassurance.  
"You get your stuff, I'll talk to him. Then we will go to child services." He whispers, and I open the door.   
"REY! Who the hell is this?" Unkar says the minute we step inside.   
"I'm Kylo. Nice to meet you. Now I don't want to cause trouble but Rey will be coming with me now." I don't know why he uses Kylo as his name here. He gives me a small nod and I dash away, into my room. I grab my backpack, piling my favourite clothes in and my charger. I grab the enormous teddy bear I keep in the corner and fling it around my shoulder. I get my money box and hurry back out.

"I need the money!" Unkar shouts.  
"She's a person! You can't just go around hitting her!" Ben shouts. Then I hear a bang, like someone's been hit, and I rush in, Ben has regained his balance from the blow and he slides forward, pushing Unkar to the wall and shouting at his face.  
"You don't own people!" He gives him a small shove before strutting away. When I see his face again, I notice that he has a cut lip, he took a blow, for me. He grabs my hand and takes the bear with the other. And I'm not gonna lie, manly, protective Kylo with a cut lip, is sexy.

"You should carry bears all the time." I say laughing.  
"Shut up!" He says, walking into me playfully, laughing along with me.  
"Thank you, K-B.." I say, but then I don't know what to call him.  
"Ben, you can call me Ben, and don't worry 'bout it." He said.   
"What are they going to do with me?" I ask, but I don't know why I'm asking, he wouldn't know.  
"They will probably re home you." He says softly.  
"What if they are like Unkar?" I say.  
"Call me." He says simply.  
"Oh yeah? What's your number?" I laugh, almost expecting him to be joking, but he takes out his phone and makes a new contact. Then passes me his phone. He's called the contact 'Rey💖' and I smile to myself, typing in my number.

"Hi, umm, I'm Rey..." I say to the woman at the front desk.   
"Hello, Rey. What can I do for you?" She asks.  
"I was fostered with a man named Unkar, but h-he abused me." I say, showing her the scars and bruises.  
"You are going to have to come with me, sweetie." She said, gravely. I look up at Ben, and the woman says to him,  
"You can leave now sir, thank you for your help." and that's when the tears start again.  
"Thank you Ben. Thank you so much." I tell him. He coughs as if he's choking back tears himself and folds me in his arms again. He sniffs a little, while I'm full scale sobbing into his chest.   
"Promise you'll text me?" He says his voice breaking.   
"Only if you'll text back." And with that, he hands me back the bear and walks away.

A/N:  
2010 music is the best, fight me. 🦋


	6. 6.|Hi, I’m Rose.

Rey's Pov. |  
-  
"We have checked the list, and we have found someone that we think is suitable. That have one child but they lost their other daughter in an accident, so they wanted to spread love. The daughter is your age. Would you like to meet them?" Nancy had asked me, Nancy is my social worker. She tries, but she is the most annoying person you could meet. The way she asked if I wanted to meet them, I couldn't really say no. So that's where I am now, praying that they're nice and I'm good enough. Ah! Who am I kidding I'm not ever going to be good enough. For anyone. I haven't been to school for a couple of days. I miss Rose, Finn and Poe. But I miss Ben mostly. He said he would text me. But I guess I wasn't good enough because he hasn't texted.   
"They are here, Rey." Nancy says as she pops her head around the door. The nerves multiply and I take a deep breath, my hands shaking as I reach for the door.

I stare down at the floor as I enter, almost scared to look up. They will take one look at me and send me back.   
"Hi, I'm Rose." I know that voice. Rose? Rose!  
"Rose?" I jerk my head up.   
"Rey?" She questions, clearly confused.  
"You two know each other?" Nancy asks.  
"We go to the same school." I replied.  
"Me and the guys were beginning to think you left.." she admits.  
"No. I'm just... here." I explain and before I know what to do, Rose is hugging me.   
"How weird that you know each other!" Nancy continues with her annoying ways.  
"Just Luck." Rose says cheerfully.  
"When they said the girl was called Rey, I hoped it was you." She whispers in my ear. It feels nice to be appreciated.  
"Oh hunny. I'm sorry that awful man did those terrible things to you!" A woman, clearly Rose's mother says, and hugs me too. They are extremely similar and the father is less full on, but still a little, hyper. Then Nancy starts asking them questions.  
"Rey, I'm so sorry that you had to go through all that." Rose says.  
"And I'm sorry about your sister..." I say, her smile falters, but doesn't die. We sit in silence for a while. It's not awkward though. Sometimes all you need is to know that someone is there.

"What's that?" Rose asks, when she notices me fiddling with my leather bracelet.  
"My parents, they left it with me." I tell her, and she nods, pulling out a metal pendent of a half heart.  
"Paige, my sister. She had the other half." I nod and we end up taking about the people we miss, and the things we never got to do with them. Parties, holidays, hugs...Tears are everywhere.  
"Will you come with us? Come home." She asks.  
"Yes." I sob. And we both smile wider than before.  
"I'm Thanya. But you can call me what ever you would like. And this is my husband Hue."   
"Hello. Thankyou, for this." I reply.

It has been decided. I'm going to live with Rose and her family. The paperwork and the boring side of it is going through now, and if everything is in order, I should move in with them on Friday. Or at least the end of the week. I'm excited and happy with who it is and everything. But what if she gets tired of me. And what the hell is Ben doing? I need him to text me. I need to talk to him. I don't even know why I'm surprised though. Who would want to be involved with me? I wander over to my draw, and pull out the calligraphy pen. Reading the brand name over and over to myself, rubbing my thumb along it, feeling how smooth it is.

I wish the world would stop. I wish I was good enough for people. I wish sadness wasn't a feeling. I wish I didn't get attached to people that just leave me. I wish I could be happy with myself and be happy in general. I wish I was good enough for them, why couldn't they have stayed with me. We could have been a family. And none of this would of happened. I am angry, and I just let the tears drip down. 

I need Ben. I need Rose. I need my parents. I just need someone that actually cares. But with me I guess that's too much to ask...I angrily stick my earphones in and play my playlist. I'm not quite sure who I'm angry at. It could be my parents for abandoning me. It could be Unkar for doing everything he did to me. I could be angry at myself for not ever being good enough to be loved. It's probably that one. I hobble over to the giant bear that Ben had held for me. Smiling sadly at the memory. Why do I think like this? I barely know the guy! I sit on the floor, leaning on it. It still smells like him. And after a while, my own body heat warms it up. Then its tricking my brain into thinking Ben is holding me.  
Almost.


	7. 7.| Home.

Rey's Pov. |  
-  
I've been living with Rose's family for around a week or so now. And I am absolutely loving it! Her parents may be a little crazy and full on, but they are the nicest people ever. Tonight, Finn and Poe are coming round for dinner.   
"Rey, the boys are here!" Rose shouts as I tumble down the stairs at lightning speed.  
"Poe! Finn!" I shout and we all hug.   
"Rey! We missed you!" Poe told me.  
"Yeah, I'm so sorry that all of that shit happened to you." Finn says. Then a little boy pokes his head around Poe's back.  
"This is Billie Bobby, but we all call him BB, he's my little brother and my parents made me bring him." Poe says, rolling his eyes.  
"Hi!" He says confidently.  
"Hi, I'm Rey."   
"BB, and everything else about me is classified." He says stubbornly.  
"Really? Me too." I say, and he giggles.  
"Sorry, he just learnt what that word means." Poe apologises.

We ate some pizza, which was my favourite meal, and BB seemed to love it too. By this time, it was around 7pm, very late for the 6 year old to be eating, so I laughed as he stuffed it all down his throat. He seemed to take a shine to me, and he sat next to me.   
"Will you be coming back to school soon, Rey?" Finn asks.  
"Yeh, tomorrow." I reply.  
"Yeah!" Poe whoops. I want to ask about Kylo, but I don't want them to think I like him.   
"Taking about school, have you done the Physics, Rose?" Finn asks, and Rose rolls her eyes before replying.  
"God it would be a miracle if you ever did your own homework." She teases, but then tells him she will send it to him later. I feel a little jolt as BB rests his head on my arm. My heart melts, and I can't control myself, I pick him up, and place him on my lap. He must be tired because he leans back on me, murmuring softly.  
"Someone likes you." Poe says softly, so not to disturb him.  
-  
(The next day)  
-  
"Rey! Are you ready?" Rose asks, knocking on the door before entering. I am wearing my normal large hoodie and baggy bottoms. I leave my sunglasses, but keep my hair down to hide away if I feel the need. Rose, as always looks amazing, red suits her. I nod to her, and we scamper into the car. Rose's mum drives us to school, asking us if we have remembered everything, and it's the little things like that, that make my heart melt.   
"So you didn't miss much." Rose tells me as we walk to the classroom.  
"Rey!" Finn practically screams down the hall. And we turn to se him launching himself at us. I know he's only hugging me, but it's the sudden movement. I shake and tears fall and I can't see. Everything is happening too fast. I see Unkar, his hands, his belt.  
"Finn, stop. Finn!" Rose yells at him.  
"Rey?" Finn asks confused.   
"Go and get help. Now." I don't know why this time is so triggering for me. It's just, Unkar's snarl and his laugh as I scream in pain and his eyes when I can hardly breathe. He's squashing my throat again. And I don't know what's real or not.

"Rey." A deep voice calls to me, it's louder than Unkar's laughter, louder than my screams. I feel a hand on my back, rubbing in circles. I feel arms around me, holding me, keeping me safe. I feel home. I know it may seem weird to say it like that, but there is no other way to describe the feeling. Unkar's laughter is almost gone now, and the visions have faded away into just darkness.   
"Rey, it's okay. Breathe. Breathe." His soothing voice relaxes me, and my breathing slows. I open my eyes, blurred with tears, so it takes a while for me to see anything. Rose, standing there, watching me worriedly. Finn, in tears in the corner. Poe, comforting them both. Ben, holding me steady, waking me from an episode.   
"Ben." I whisper.  
"Shhh.. there..." he says. I stay in his arms for a while, catching my breath, drying my tears. Then I notice Mr Skywalker.

He walks toward us extremely slowly. Then his voice is very soft.  
"Rey. Are you okay now?" He asks. I manage a nod, with a huge gasping breath.   
"You lot, come this way. Kylo stay here with Rey until she is ready, then take her to the staff room." He says, turning, and everyone starts to follow him, waking the slowest you could possibly walk. It's almost comical. They turn into the staff room , and it's just me and Ben.  
"Hey, Rey." He says softly.  
"I'm sorry." I apologise because I must have made him look all soft and silly.  
"Shh..." he says, rocking me gently, pressing his cheek to my head.   
"I-I'm okay now." I tell him, although I was enjoying that. He sits up a little more, and so do I, but I make no attempt to move anywhere else.  
"What happened?" He asks.  
"Finn yelled at me to get my attention, and was a little over excited." I tell him, "what happened?" I repeat his own question.  
"I was just going to the classroom, when Poe was running in circles and you were screaming on the floor, Finn had gone to get a teacher, and Rose had no clue what to do. I was really worried." He pauses. He was worried. About me. My heart literally jumps out of my body.  
"I don't know how I knew what to do, I just made you feel secure and safe, then I started taking to you."   
"Well thank you." I tell him, and I really am grateful. 

After a little while longer, he helps me up. The minute I'm not in his arms, I wish I'd milked the episode to stay there.  
"Do you live with someone nice?" He asks, almost timidly.   
"Rose." I say, I am still annoyed about him not texting me.  
"I'm sorry I didn't text." He says, sadly. Like he had read my mind.  
"It's fine, I'm used to being forgotten, and I'm not worth it." I say, and I believe it.  
"No." He says, simply. "You are worth it. You shouldn't be forgotten. It was my fault. I'm sorry you feel like that. You see, on my way home, I dropped my phone, and it cracked pretty bad, then it was just my luck for it to then be dropped again in a puddle, the water went straight into it. I'm so sorry." He says, and to my surprise, I believe him.  
"Thank you." I tell him, and I wrap my arms around his waist, and he returns the favour. And I get that short, sweet feeling of home.  
-  
A/N:  
I've decided to be a bitch and make it a real slow burn until I give you a reylo kiss. Hehehe 👿. Sorry 🦋


	8. 8.| Say something.

Rey's Pov. |  
-  
"..and then I went to find you." I hear Finn finish off telling Skywalker what happened. I feel Ben's hand on my back, the gesture is sweet and my knees go weak just standing there. He must have felt me falter because he moves his arm to support me more.  
"Ah! Rey. Come on in." Skywalker says as he sees us.  
"Rey I'm so sorry!" Finn apologies,  
"It's okay." I promise him.   
"Is it okay if we talk about what happened?" Skywalker asks. I nod and he gestures for me to sit on the sofa with Ben. I do, and I lean on Ben. It's comical how their eyes widen as I use him to comfort myself. But I don't really care right now.  
"It's okay. When you're ready." Ben whispers into my ear. I take a deep breath, and Ben tightens his grip on me.  
"Rose adopted me. But before that I was with someone called Unkar. He hit me, a lot and I've been diagnosed with PTSD, it's just really sudden movements around my head that triggers it. I'm sorry if I scared you." I manage, I still wince at the thought of his face. I feel Ben's finger on mine, and he's stroking my hand. He's so cute. I love him. Shit. What the hell was that? Did I just think Ben was cute? Did I just say I LOVED him? What is happening to me? I force myself out of my thoughts.   
"I'm okay now though. I'm with Rose." I reassure the worried looking man.

"Finn, Poe and Rose, please go back to class, and apologise to the teacher. Tell them that I will email them about why you were late." They all nod and make their way out of the room.   
"Kylo." Skywalker says, I almost forgot that was his 'name.'  
"Will you make sure to stay near-ish Rey at all times. You seem to be the only one that she trusts and you are the only one that can calm her down.  
"Of course." Ben promises him.  
"Rey. Do you feel okay to go back to lessons? Or would you like to find a quiet room to sit and calm down properly?" I weigh out my options, go back to lessons. I'd have to do work. Go and sit in a quiet room. Very boring.   
"Rey?" Skywalker prompts.  
"I-."   
"Kylo, take her to a quiet room, you are both excused from all lessons today. The music room will do nicely, and at lunch, take your lunches to the music room too." He decided for me. I get to spend the whole day with Ben. I'm happy.

I haven't been in the music room yet before. It's quite spacious. A teachers desk in the corner, but there is only one students desk. At the back of the room, is another sofa, like the one in the staff room. There are a few random instruments dotted about the room, a guitar here, a trumpet there, but we sit on the sofa, ignoring them all.  
"I'm sorry that you have to miss you day." I apologise.  
"Ha! You kidding? This is the best day ever!" He laughs. Then he blushes a little. I smile back dumbly at him.   
"Let's put on some music!" I say, unsure of what else to say. I press my playlist and connect it to the speaker in the corner.  
"You've got good taste." He says. 

"I can play the guitar a little." He says blushing again.  
"No way! God here I was thinking, scary Kylo Ren! Part of a scary gang and all that shit. But really he's the soft guy that has calligraphy sets and plays guitar." I tease laughing.  
"Shut up." He laughs. I reach over to the guitar on the floor.  
"Go on then." I egg him on. He blushes more, his ears turning a pink shade. 

He takes the instrument from me carefully. He strums the stings lightly. Then he starts to play a tune I recognise. I wonder if I should sing with him.

"Say something, I'm giving up on you.." he sings, his voice, god his voice. Its soft. I want to sing with him.

"I'll be the one, if you want me to." It's like he's singing to me.

"Anywhere, I would've followed you  
Say something, I'm giving up on you  
And I am feeling so small  
It was over my head  
I know nothing at all.." I need to sing with him. I have to. I take a deep breath.

"And I will stumble and fall.." I sing with him, and he looks at me in utter shock. But he never falters. He carries on with his song.

"I'm still learning to love  
Just starting to crawl." I ready myself to make my voice more powerful than it was before.

"Say something, I'm giving up on you  
I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you  
Anywhere, I would've followed you  
Say something, I'm giving up on you" We belt out the song. Then I notice some of his perfect black hair dropping into his eye. 

"And I will swallow my pride  
You're the one that I love  
And I'm saying goodbye." Its impulse. I reach forwards and tuck the hair behind his ear. He looks up at me smiling like a little boy. 

"Say something, I'm giving up on you  
And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you  
And anywhere, I would have followed you" We reach the peak of the song and start to soften our voices again. 

"Oh, oh, oh, oh say something, I'm giving up on you  
Say something, I'm giving up on you" Our voices are soft. And we are looking straight into each other's eyes.

"Say something." That line is barely a whisper. He picks at the last stings on the guitar to end the song, his eyes still not leaving mine.   
"Wow." He says. That's was it. I needed nothing more. Just that. I desperately lean forward and kiss him. He shifts in surprise, but wraps his arms around me, and returns the favour. My hand snakes up into his hair. He has no idea how long I've been wanting to feel his hair between my fingers, have his lips on mine. And now it's happening.   
-  
A/N:  
Well well. Reylo is off!! Also me writing this is making my expectations in anyone that I date WAY to high. 🦋


	9. 9.| Never again.

Rey's Pov. |  
-  
We break apart, breathless. Hearts pounding. He smiles at me. A real genuine smile. I trace it with my thumb.   
"Ben." I whisper, and he pulls me closer to him. I sit extremely close to him, legs and arms wrapped around him. He laughs, raising an eyebrow at me.  
"You're warm." I explain, and he laughs some more. He pulls me closer too him.  
"You're cold?" He asks.  
"Nope, just like being warm." I reply.  
"How are you not overheating with all that on?" He pauses,  
"Seriously though Rey, you are beautiful. I wish you could see it." He says, softly. I'm not. I know I'm not.  
"No." I whisper. He tips me off his lap.  
"Can I see your body?" He asks. Usually if someone asks me that, my brain would automatically think about the sexual things that person would like to do to me. But not with Ben. I want to show him. But what if he decides he hates the way I look, or I'm to skinny, or even too fat to be seen with him. 

I take a deep breath. I nod quietly. Pulling the large cream hoodie up, and over my head. The tight black top I have on underneath shows everything. My curves and bones stick out and I can barely look at Ben's face.   
"Wow." I hear a breathless whisper from across the room. I open my eyes slowly, he's making his way towards me, hands grabbing my waist.   
"Rey, you're perfect." He says. His hands burning my skin. A single tear slides down my cheek.   
"Don't leave me." I command him.  
"Leave you?" He asks, confused.  
"Please.."   
"I promise. I would never." He says, connecting our lips again. 

"When did you learn to sing like that?" He asks.  
"I didn't." I reply, laughing. I'm sat back on top of him now, cozy. We are using the huge hoodie as a blanket.  
"What time is it?" I ask him.  
"1pm." He says. I feel hungry.   
"Shall we go and get lunch?" I asks, and he kisses my head before suddenly pushing me away from him and piling the hoodie on top of me. He makes his face go from a happy smiling one, to a scowl.  
"Ben?" I ask confused and hurt, but I am interrupted by Finn.  
"Rey." He says as he quietly enters with Poe and Rose.  
"Hi." Poe says.  
"We just came to see how you are." Rose says.  
"I'm okay now, just still a little on edge. I'm sorry if I scared you." I assure them.   
"Do you want to come with us to lunch?" Finn asks, I want to, but I want to stay with Ben more.

"Kylo!" A loud voice say as three others enter. It's Snoke, Hux and Phasma.  
"Snoke! Thank god! I've been stuck with her all day! It's been hell." Ben says pointing at me. What is he doing? I swallow a lump in my throat.  
"What?" I ask him, it's barely audible but I know he heard me.  
"Skywalker forced me to stay with her because she has PTSD and panic attacks or some shit. Apparently I'm the only one that can get her out of them. Pathetic." He continues. Each word stabs at my heart harder. The first person I had trusted, betrayed again.   
"Fuck you." I yell at him. I can't control myself.  
"You'd like to." He replies slyly.

"Rey, lets go." I hear Poe behind me. I hear Snoke's laughter. I simply nod and let them show me the way to the canteen, eyes blurry with tears.  
"I'm going to the toilet. Get in the queue." I manage. I rush to the toilets, sobbing, chest heaving. Heart aching. I lock myself in a cubical. I'm never trusting anyone ever again. It always happens. I thought Ben was different, but he's Kylo. He's always been Kylo. Cruel. Mean. Popular. That's how he and his little group is. I pull out the calligraphy pen again. Tracing the slick plastic. I want to smash it up, snap it. But I also want to keep it, as a reminder of when all of my trust went through the window. I hug my knees. It was all a lie. He saw my body. He lied, he hated what he saw, he's probably laughing about it all now with his friends. 

Never again will I trust. Too many times it's been broken. Baby me, trusting my parents to take care of me. They left me, abandoned me. I had the promises of a good foster father, but I ended up with Unkar. I trusted Kylo. I won't make the mistake again. I pull out my phone.  
—  
Rose✨  
  
I feel a bit sick. I'm  
going home.  
I'm okay though. See you   
later xx  
Okay, are you sure   
you are okay? Xx  
Im fine! Xx

—  
I stand up, wobbling. Throwing my hoodie back on, wiping my tears away with the sleeve. I start walking down the hall. Passing some chattering people. Then I recognise a voice.  
"Rey." It's Kylo. I look up, in pure anger.  
"Don't worry Rey' 'I'll always be here Rey'" I mimic Kylo. Still not looking up.  
"Rey, Rey.. I-." He starts, I interrupt him, bringing my hand up to his face. Fooling him. He thinks I'm cupping his face, all cutesy.   
"Save it." I shout, slapping him hard, then waking away fast.  
—  
A/N:  
Notice how Rey goes from calling him Kylo when she dislikes him, to Ben when she loves him. Then back to Kylo when she hates him! 🦋


	10. 10.| Good enough.

Rey's Pov.|  
-  
I don't go back home, not yet. I don't know where I'm going. My hand hurts, I can hardly imagine what Ben's-Kylo's face feels like. I walk quickly. Because it's in the day, most people are at home, or at work, but those that are about, their eyes follow me, stares burning into my back. I keep my head down and walk even faster. I take out a shaking hand and press play on my phone, quickly shoving my AirPods into my ears.

Hold  
Hold on  
Hold on to me  
That's all I've ever really wanted. Someone to hold. To keep someone here with me. For someone to stay. But they never do.

'Cause I'm a little unsteady  
A little unsteady

I wish I was good enough for people. If I was good enough, they would have stayed. I let a tear trickle down my cheek.

Hold  
Hold on  
Hold on to me  
'Cause I'm a little unsteady  
A little unsteady

The tears multiply, and I sniffle. 

Mama, come here  
Approach, appear  
Daddy, I'm alone

The two people that should always be with me, with any child. A vision clouds my view. A child, running around. He falls over, his parents are there for him. As he gets older, he falls in love, the girl that he loves doesn't love him back, his parents are there for him. No matter what shit he gets in, his parents are there for him.

'Cause this house don't feel like home

People would say that my second chance was with Unkar, but like the lyrics, that house never felt like home. I wonder if I ever will find home.

If you love me, don't let go  
If you love me, don't let go  
Hold  
Hold on  
Hold on to me

Please Ben. I need you. Come back to me. Please. Don't let go. Please hold me. I want to be good enough for you. I will be. I'll change. Wear makeup, I'll eat less, eat more?

'Cause I'm a little unsteady

Yeah, a little unsteady, more like I can't even walk straight. I look up again, I don't know where I am. But I've emotionally drained myself, so I sit on the floor right where I am. I pull out the calligraphy pen again.   
"Good to know you can't leave me." I say aloud, sarcastically. I close my eyes tightly, squeezing the last of the tears out. I take a large quivering breath.   
"Hey, you alright down there?" I hear a gruff voice above me say, I look up. A man, very drunk, dirty, rotten teeth, you get the vision. I nod, I go to get up, but he grabs my shoulders and pushes me back down.   
"Get off me!" I shout. I act quickly, pushing him in the chest, and rushing to my feet. I zip the pocket with the calligraphy pen in, just to be safe. I feel the bracelet, picking at the leather. I hurry down the road. This time I do head for home, but the meeting with that man, it made me remember some things with Unkar. I reach our street, when I fall to the ground, sobbing, screaming. All I can see is his face, laughing at me. He's undoing his belt. And his underwear. He doesn't put the belt down though. He uses it as a weapon. I can't hear anyone or anything, but his laughter, my screams, his shouts.   
"What do we do?" I faintly hear someone's voice. I desperately want to stop Unkar. But I can't find my voice.   
"Call Kylo."   
I relax a little. But stay panicked.

"Rey." A deep voice says, it's louder than Unkar's laughter, louder than my screams. I feel arms around me, holding me, keeping me safe. Unkar's laughter is almost gone now, and the visions have faded away into just darkness.   
"Rey, it's okay. Breathe. Breathe." His soothing voice relaxes me, and my breathing slows. I open my eyes, blurred with tears, so it takes a while for me to see anything. Rose is kneeling close, watching me, she's clearly been crying. Ben, holding me steady, waking me from an episode.   
"Ben." I whisper.  
"Shhh.. there..." he says. I stay in his arms for a while, catching my breath, drying my tears. Then I remember. I sit up quickly.   
"Get. Away. From. Me." I seethe. He lets go. I see the red mark on his face. I want to kiss it better, trace his scar.  
"Snoke! Thank god! I've been stuck with her all day! It's been hell!' 'Skywalker forced me to stay with her because she has PTSD and panic attacks or some shit. Apparently I'm the only one that can get her out of them. Pathetic." I quote him word for word, emphasising the words that really hurt me.  
"Rey, I-." He starts, but his voice breaks.   
"What? What could possibly be your excuse?" I ask him, crying hard.   
"Rey, I'm going to call our parents, if you need me, I'm only inside." I hear Rose say.  
"Snoke. You have no idea what he's capable of."  
"You have no idea how much that hurt me."   
"Yes, I d-."   
"No! Kyo! You don't! You don't have to feel like you aren't good enough for anyone, your birth parents, your foster parents, the person you love."   
"You're good enough for me." He says quietly.  
"Clearly I'm not!"   
"Please.." he says, his voice barely audible.  
"Just go and do what you want!" I yell at him.  
"I will!" He yells back. Then he's moving closer, and we're kissing.   
"You said to go and do what you like."  
-  
A/N:  
In this chapter, I've written a lot about how I feel, Also if it seems like this book has a lot to do with music, it's because these specific songs get me through life and I can relate to them. Also Rey has attachments with some material objects (the bracelet and the calligraphy pen) and I have that too, they have memories behind them, ones I don't want to forget. It's not just me is it?   
🦋


	11. 11.| Goodbye Ben Solo.

Rey's Pov.|  
-  
I kiss him back. I shouldn't but I can't help it.   
"You said to go do what you like." He smirks. I half heartedly smile back.  
"You are good enough. You always have been. It was just Snoke, he-he said he'd kill me if I fell in love with someone who's not part of-."   
"The fluffy order." I finish his sentence for him, understanding what he's saying.   
"But I love you. If we could date in secret! It would be amazing!" He says, excitement clear in his voice.  
"I don't think I want that." I whisper, heart breaking for what I'm about to say.   
"I want you Ben, all I want is to be with you. But if we have to hide, I-I don't want to hide. If you truly loved me, you'd understand that." My voice breaks, it's becoming harder to speak. He nods, he knows.  
"Leave Snoke." I say.  
"I can't. I'm sorry." He says, voice quivering.  
"Please." I ask him, begging him, begging him to be the first person that chose me over everything else. But he won't. I let a single tear fall. And his thumb wipes it away.   
"Goodbye, Ben Solo." I say, smiling through my tears.   
"Goodbye, Rey." He returns the smile. His tears falling too.   
"I love you." He whispers, turning to walk away.  
"I know." I say, just as quietly.   
"And I love you." It's so quiet that most would have mistaken it for the wind, but I know he heard it.

I watch his tall frame get smaller and smaller, until I can't see him anymore. Even when I can't see him any longer, I still wait, half hoping he will turn around and come rushing back, telling me that he chose me. But he doesn't. I wipe away my tears and turn around. I open the door and go inside. I go up to Rose's room, knocking first.   
"Rey! Hi." She says, looking at me.  
"Rose." I choke the last of my emotion away.  
"What happened today?" She asks.  
"Well, it's just after Finn did, I was a little on edge and then Skywalker made me stay with Kylo all day. After that I didn't feel too good, so I went home and I got a bit lost, and then this man came and triggered me again." I lie, to protect Ben.  
"Oh Rey." Rose says, throwing her arms around me. I take a deep breath, I'm glad I still have Rose.

"Rey, you weren't here yesterday, but this is Pandora. She's your partner." Mr Holdo tells me as I walk into art class.   
"Hi!" She says, blushing a little. Her shoulder length black hair is shiny and pulled back with an Alice band. Her clothes are kind of gothic with fishnet tights, purples and blacks, and she looks up at me with kind, dark eyes.  
"Hey." I reply. I can tell that we are going to get on.  
"Follow me." She says, grabbing my hand and walking speedily away. That's when I notice, her shoes. They are lace up boots.  
"Girl, I am in love with your boots!" I exclaim.  
"Thankyou! I wish I could rock a hoodie like you can!" She returns the compliment. She reaches into her backpack and pulls out her iPad. She presses the home button and her home screen emerges. There's a black puppy, a small one, I don't know much about dogs but I'm pretty sure it's a Pomeranian. Behind it, there is Pandora kissing another girls cheek.  
"Aww, that's so cute!" I exclaim. Is she bi? Pan? Gay? Or perhaps it's just her best friend?  
"Thanks! This is my dog Vader! He's just a puppy! And this is my girlfriend. Was! This was my girlfriend. Damn I really must change that. We broke up when I moved schools. She said she couldn't trust me because I was bi. She said I would have everyone after me." She says rather sadly.  
"I'm sorry." I say, she looks at me gratefully.

"For the project we have to draw something we are passionate about, but with a dark twist!" She says. Tapping at the iPad with her fingers. She opens a document. They're notes.   
"Give me you number, I'll send them to you." She says simply, still tapping away.  
"What are we going to draw?" I ask.   
"Well what are you passionate about." She asks.   
"Family, friends, Disney, f-." She cuts me off.  
"I LOVE Disney!" She almost yells.  
"That's settled then." I laugh. She finds a picture of the iconic Disney castle. I get the giant A3 price of paper and pass her a pencil.  
"I'll draw the top of the castle, and the flag." She murmurs, already starting to draw.  
"I'll do the moat and the bridge." I tell her, also diving in.   
"Have you ever been?"   
"What?" I ask.  
"To Disney."  
"I've always wanted to, but no."   
"Me too."  
What's gonna be our 'dark twist'" I ask her, my mind flipping through scenarios.  
"What about like, a hand with a knife, no a shadow, over the top of the whole drawing." She says, quite drastically.  
"Yeah! And what about like blood splatters on the castle, or the moat is blood?" She laughs and nods.

The lesson I've been dreading the most, English is next. Luckily, Pandora is sitting close by, and Rose is behind me. Finn and Poe are in the two worst seats. Right at the front. Rose told me that they are coming over for dinner again tonight. I hope Poe brings BB again. I wonder if I could invite Pandora. I sit up tensely when the fluffy order arrives. Kylo comes closer to me. Sitting down awkwardly.   
"Hi." I say, trying to break the silence.  
"Hey." He replies. Maz gives us our work to do. I pull out the calligraphy pen. His calligraphy pen.   
"You still write with that thing?" I blush. I don't want to admit that I mentally refuse to write with any other pen and I carry it everywhere with me.  
"I keep forgetting mine." I reply. This time, whenever I see him getting frustrated at himself for not knowing the answer, I nudge him with my elbow and show him mine. He gives me a grateful look.   
-  
A/N:  
Okay I am a simp for Pandora.🦋


	12. 12.| Please...

Rey's Pov. |  
-  
"Hey, do you think I can invite my friend Pandora round for dinner with us too?" I ask Rose, she smiles.  
"The more the merrier."   
"Poe!" I exclaim as Poe flicks his pencil at me. He gives me a look and Finn laughs.   
"Can you bring BB?" I ask him.  
"No way." He says quickly.  
"Pleaseeee?" I beg.   
"Maybe." He smirks. The long school day drags on, but eventually ends. We walk home, all 5 of us. We go past Poe's house and he goes inside, calling BB out.  
"Rey!" He squeals, throwing himself at me. He won't let me put him down, so I end up having to piggy back him all the way home. Pandora seems to get on really well with the others.   
"Our project is.." the others drone on, selective hearing taking control when I reach the street where I broke things off with Ben. I look down at the baggy bottoms, making out the outline of the calligraphy pen in the zipped up pocket, heart softening.

"If there were 6 people in a room.." after we got home we started to do riddles, a great idea from Finn. Although BB doesn't really get what we have to do, and started telling stories of Spot the pig or something like that.   
"Oh! Oh! I know this one!" I get all excited yelling about how I know the answer, but Pandora gets there first.  
"It wasn't murder, it was suicide!" I punch her arm lightly.  
"Hey! I was gonna answer that!" I pout like a little kid. BB squirms on my lap.  
"Okay! Rose! Truth or dare?" Poe announces, it's crazy how quickly these games are changing.   
"Dare, easy." She replies confidently. Wrong move.  
"Go and ask the neighbour for her snapchat." Poe says. The whole room erupts in giggles. She reluctantly gets up, we all follow her to the next door along.

She knocks three times.   
"Hello, Rose!" Jenny, our neighbour announces extremely loudly. I lose it, laughter pouring out of me like the tears do.   
"He-hi." Rose stutters.  
"What can I do for you?" She asks, she's the typical 40 year old woman, overly nice and a bit annoying.  
"Do you have snapchat?" Rose outright asks.  
"Yes dear." We all try to hold it together, tears of laughter everywhere.  
"Can you add me?" She blushes.  
"Oh well, okay." She says, more than a little confused. Rose gives her the phone, she looks at it like a blind bat, typing her name in v e r y s l o w l y.   
"I better be off now, goodbye!" Rose shouts, rushing away before listening to what she has to say. 

Rose chooses Finn, and he ends up admitting that he has a tattoo on his lower back that says "2187" and when asked why, he says he took a buzz feed quiz and that was his lucky number. Pandora was dared to shout the word that first came to her mind. She shouted "Cauliflower!" And the other neighbour, Darren, he's a right laugh, shouted back.  
"Did you just say cauliflower to me?"   
Eventually though, it was my turn, Pandora asked me who I had a crush on, I hesitated too long before saying   
"Leonado Di-Caprio." I can't tell anyone who it really is, and they seemed to find it more funny anyway. BB was dared to eat a chilli, and the small boy actually did it! He did go extremely red though.

"Poe, I want you to read out your last text." I said laughing evilly. He groans and pulls out his phone.  
"Shit." He mutters.   
""Language!" I say sternly, covering BB's ears.  
"Okay mum." He says rolling his eyes.  
"No mum, I'm a virgin." He says very quietly. We all spit in laughter.  
"Liar." Finn says.  
"What's a virgin?" BB asks, which makes us laugh more. After they all went home, me and Rose were taking in her room.  
"So who do you like then?" She asks. I'm stuck so I just lie and say no one.  
"What about you?" I ask her, I have a sneaky feeling I know who it is though.  
"I like Finn." She admits.  
"Ha! I knew it!" I laugh. Then a Snapchat notification chimes out. She picks up her phone.   
"It's Jenny." She shrieks, us both flying into fits of giggles. 

It's 8pm when I get a text from Ben. I really wasn't expecting it. 

Ben🦋

Are you free rn?  
Yes, why what's up?  
Meet me at the park in 10 minutes.

I'm glad I haven't got dressed into my pyjamas yet. I tell Rose that I'm gonna be back in a bit, I'm going to clear my head. She believes me, I think she thinks it's something to do with my PTSD or something. I pull on my trainers and hurry down the street. The park isn't far.

"I didn't think you'd come?" Ben's voice says as I near the park.  
"Why wouldn't I?" I try to distract him from the fact that I'm shoving the calligraphy pen back into my pocket. It fails, but he makes no comment.  
"I don't know.." he mutters.  
"What do you want?" I ask him impatiently.  
"I love you, Rey." He says, my heart stops. I love you, I want to scream it.  
"God everything you do just makes me love you more. The way you were fucking telling me he answers before I asked, just so I wouldn't get mad at myself. The way you carry that pen around everywhere and refuse to use another one. The way you insist on wearing baggy clothes, even though you're perfect. You are driving me crazy, Rey please." I don't know what to do, my voice doesn't work. I stand and stare at him dumbly.   
"Please..." his voice sounds so full of pain, he's begging me.   
"Please.." he says again.  
-  
A/N:  
Go add my tik tok❤️ the username is @starwarsedits.1 or just click the link   
https://vm.tiktok.com/oqo2DN/ 🦋


	13. 13.| Haircut.

Rey's Pov.|  
-  
I stand stock still, unsure of what to say. What he said was beautiful...   
"Please.." he repeats, again and again.  
"Ben, I-." I start, but surprisingly he cuts me off.  
"I have some info on Snoke, info that could get him locked up. But I'm not strong enough to do it without you. I can't." He says, he sounds like he's crying. It's breaking my heart.  
"Ben." I step closer. He looks up sadly. He has been crying.  
"I love you." I whisper. Even though it's getting dark, I can see his face light up. He picks me up and swings me round and round. Just like in the movies. That's what it feels like when I'm with Ben, surreal, perfect, like something you could only imagine. He rests his forehead on mine. Our breathing starts to sync together. In perfect harmony.

"Rose! I need to speak to you about something!" I shout to her when I get back. Ben has told me to tell only my trusted friends, as they may be able to help. She struts into my room and flops down on the bed dramatically.  
"What. It's late." She groans.  
"So what do you think of Kylo Ren?" I ask cautiously.  
"He's annoyingly hot, but vile and horrid." I sigh, this is not going to go down well.  
"I'm in love with him, and we are dating." I blurt. She sits up extremely quickly.  
"You what?" She almost yells.  
"Shhh! You can't tell anyone!" I hiss.  
"Kylo?!" She asks.  
"Yes, he's lovely. Snoke has threatened to kill him in the past, so he has to stay 'vile' and he's not allowed to date anyone so it has to remain a secret." I explain.  
"Forever?" Rose asks.  
"No, he's got some info on him, and he's gonna try to overthrow him."   
"Well, I'll admit that you've snatched a good looking fella, but I hate him. He's never been nice to any of us. He's heartless!" She pauses.  
"Rey, I want you to be happy, and although I wouldn't do what you are, I'm happy if your happy." The classic Rose response. I smile at her, exchanging a hug.  
"I'm off to bed." She says, lazily pulling herself up and dragging herself down the hall. 

Today is different. It is, I feel confident. This is a brand new feeling, but I know today I don't want to stay around in my large hoodie and joggers, I have people that love me for who I am. I am going to dress up.   
"Rose, I'm ditching first period, I'm getting a haircut, cover for me?" I ask, she nods. I pull on my black jeans, the ones with wholes that go all the way up to my thighs, the belt is done up tightly, but I can still breathe. I tuck in my white halter neck top that's been in the back of my wardrobe since forever, I'm actually surprised it still fits. Next I pull on my leather jacket. It's a little short on the arms, but I wouldn't notice unless I looked for it. I hide the calligraphy pen in my breast pocket. I start walking quickly, but not in the manic scared way that I used to, in a calm relaxed, I'm okay, kind of way. I reach the hairdressers, no one is there, but me and the hairdresser, I think her name is Linda, or Lucy, her name badge was covered up.  
"A little shorter than shoulder length," I say pointing to my neck. I take a last look at my rib length hair, and watch it fall to the ground, but I don't feel at loss, I feel like a weight has been lifted.

Second Period is English. I have to be back for that. I run a little. If I'm being honest, I absolutely love my hair, it is shorter than I expected, but it's perfect. I don't want to hide anymore. I have people that will stand by me. They love me, for me.  
"Rey?" I hear voices whispering as I walk into English.  
"Oh my dear Lordy heaven on earth! Rey? Is that you?" Poe's overdramatised reaction makes me laugh.   
"Hi!" I blush.   
"Rey! You look stunning!" Rose gushes.  
"Never knew young had it in you." Finn remarks,   
"Wow." Pandora says. They all seem genuinely interested in me and they genuinely seem to like it. I'm proud of myself, how far I've come in 2 weeks.  
"Yo, you look fire today." I hear a voice behind me. It's Phasma.   
"Thanks!" I reply, returning the smile.   
"Who is that?" Pandora asks, smitten.  
"Phasma." I tell her. Pandora continues to stare.

"Holy fucking shit." I hear a whisper silence the classroom as Ben walks in. He's looking at me. I blush rapidly. I look at Rose, she gives me a look that says 'maybe he isn't as bad as I thought.' And carries on her conversation.  
"Sit down class. Sit down." Maz announces extremely loudly.   
"Shit Rey, what are you trying to do to me?" He whispers while Maz is explaining our project.  
"Wouldn't you like to know." I reply cheekily.   
"You look so hot." He whispers back. I blush again.  
"Kylo! Rey! What is this project about?" Maz asks us sarcastically. We look at each other, we have absolutely no clue. I try to hold it in, but I can't. I burst out laughing. I take a quick glance at Ben, he loses it too, some of the others in the class start to laugh with us. Maz doesn't look impressed.   
"Rey, Ben get outside, I'll come and talk to you in a minute." I lower my head, so she thinks it's in shame but really it's to cover my tears of laughter. The door creeks closed and we try to calm down.  
"What... are we even laughing about?!?" He manages.  
"I don't even know!" I reply. After a while, we calm down.   
"Seriously. Rey. You look stunning, wow. I love your hair, and we can see what you really look like now!" He jokes.  
"Ha Ha." I reply sarcastically.   
"Leather looks so good on you." He whispers, getting closer, our breathing intensifies. And our lips are connected, kissing passionately.  
-  
A/N:  
I've really enjoyed writing this chapter!🦋


	14. 14.| Fight.

Rey's Pov.|  
-  
We break apart not a second too late. Maz opens the door,   
"I don't find you funny." She says addressing both of us. We try to keep it together, refusing to make any form of eye contact or it will all go down the drain, again.  
"Do you know what the project is?" She asks, getting calmer as the seconds tick by. We shake our heads, she sighs,  
"Write a film script. It has to be realistic though." She says glaring at us intently.   
"You have 4 weeks, you two are partners, and I don't want you in any more trouble." She says. Then she moved out of the way and let's us take the walk of shame back to our seats. The other kids are muttering about what they are going to do their projects on.   
"Realistic.. that would give us an excuse to go somewhere. You know to 'gather evidence." Ben says.   
"Disney!" I almost yell. I get an annoyed look from Maz. But Ben's smile widens and he nods wildly.   
"Yeah!" He says.  
"Do you think I can bring Pandora as our art project is also Disney?" I ask.  
"Bring all of them." He says, this day can honestly not get any better.

I was wrong. In the next lesson, The fluffy order sat together in the next lesson, Geography. The teacher, Mace, was a bit useless and, maybe a little scared of them, as he just ignored their chants and inappropriate comments, while he was explaining the culture differences between here and Bangkok. I will admit it was hilarious. But then they started to throw paper at us, even pencils. We stayed quiet about it though, we are no snitches. That is, until Poe decided to throw one back, hitting Snoke right on the nose. It definitely didn't hurt, but that wasn't what made him angry. And when Mace decided to leave the classroom, for a reason I cannot recall, all hell broke loose.  
"You fucking throwing things at me? Huh? You think your hard?" Snoke leaps out of his seat, advancing towards us. Hux millimetres behind, and Ben and Phasma holding back reluctantly. Snoke still walks closer. Poe doesn't back down, I figure he's had enough of his shit by now. I go to tuck my hair behind my back, grabbing at my ribs, but then realising it's not there anymore. I've done that a few times today, but I am honestly really pleased with it.  
"Fuck off." Poe whispers, the rest of the class have surrounded us now, chanting   
"Fight.  
"Fight!"  
"Fight!"   
Snoke pushes Poe slightly.   
"Hey!" A loud voice calls out. It's Pandora.

"Get away!" She yells. Then she squeezes herself in between Poe and Snoke, and squares up to him, pushing him lightly. He moves his hand to punch her, but she catches it midair and twists his arm around backwards, locking it into place, making it impossible for him to move.   
"Try me." She smiles. Finn whoops, and Rose looks at me in surprise. Poe just stands there dumbly not knowing what to do. Pandora lets go of his arm and pushes him away. We hear footsteps approaching and a ripple of commotion erupts throughout the classroom, as all the kids leg it back to their seats. But throughout the commotion I'm sure I see Phasma and Pandora taking, and Phasma gives her a note. 

"Guess what!?" Rose announces as she stumbles into the girls bathroom, where we hide out for lots of lunch, and if no one else is in there we sometimes sneak Finn and Poe in too. Unfortunately today, there is a few girls doing their makeup and Poe has a lunchtime club, band practice or something.  
"What?" I ask excitedly.  
"Finn and I are going to get lunch!" She screams.  
"Like-." She cuts me off.  
"Like a DATE!" She yells. We scream some more before I usher her out of the bathroom to go on her date.  
I go to find Pandora, she's no where to be found, so I go back to the toilets, but as I walk in, I overhear a conversation.   
"That was so hot." It's Phasma's voice. I hear Pandora giggle. I poke my head around the door, slightly, but then walk out, giving them privacy, when I realise they are kissing. It shocks me, but then again, I noticed the sexual tension right from the start. I suppose this lunch I will eat alone. 

I quite enjoy being alone. I get my self love back a little and I am able to appreciate myself and the finer details a little more. I put my AirPods in and press play. This time when the song comes on, it's much happier, 

All I am is a man  
I want the world in my hands  
I hate the beach  
But I stand in California with my toes in the sand  
Use the sleeves of my sweater  
Let's have an adventure  
Head in the clouds but my gravity's centered  
Touch my neck and I'll touch yours

I think now, I finally realise that I've got people, I have people that stand with me.

You in those little high waisted shorts, oh  
She knows what I think about  
And what I think about  
One love, two mouths  
One love, one house  
No shirt, no blouse  
Just us, you find out  
Nothing that wouldn't wanna tell you about no  
'Cause it's too cold whoa  
For you here and now  
So let me hold whoa

The mental health of a person is something that you can never determine until they let you in. But first you must show them that they can take away walls for you, and if you do get in, don't leave them. Their walls will be twice as harder to crack.

Both your hands in the holes of my sweater  
And if I may just take your breath away  
I don't mind if there's not much to say  
Sometimes the silence guides our minds to  
So move to a place so far away  
The goosebumps start to raise  
The minute that my left hand meets your waist  
And then I watch your face  
Put my finger on your tongue  
'Cause you love the taste yeah  
These hearts adore,  
Every other beat the other one beats for

I hope everyone gets to find their people, people that make them feel happy, make them feel confident, make them feel like they are never alone, and that they are worth something.

Inside this place is warm  
Outside it starts to pour  
Coming down  
One love, two mouths  
One love, one house  
No shirt, no blouse  
Just us, you find out  
Nothing that I wouldn't wanna tell you about, no no  
'Cause it's too cold whoa  
For you here  
And now  
So let me hold whoa  
Both your hands in the holes of my sweater  
'Cause it's too cold whoa  
For you here and now  
So let me hold whoa  
-  
A/N:  
🚨READ THIS🚨  
If you are reading this it's a sign, a sign to keep your head up. Keep smiling. And I know you get told the 'it will get Better' shit every day. But I promise you, they are right, it really will get better. If you are reading this, you ARE enough, and you ARE good enough. And if anyone else thinks otherwise they need to rethink their life choices. I love you and I want you to all keep fighting. I don't care who you are, gay, straight, trans, bi, pan, black, white, you are valid. You matter. Don't let anyone tell you different. If you are 1 year clean from self harm, 10 minutes clean, 7 days, 10+ years, 2 minutes, 10 seconds, I'm proud of you for getting this far, I know every day is a struggle and I know people don't understand. I just want you to know that you should keep going. And if this is too late to prevent your most recent self harm episode or relapse, then I hope it saves your life. This topic is sensitive to me because I understand your pain.   
Comment '💗' if you are okay, doing fine.  
Comment '🦋' if you are struggling.  
Comment '👑' if you are near the end, but don't want to talk.  
Comment '❤️' if you are near the end, and I will message you. I know it may seem weird but talking to people really does help. Keep your chin up, you can do it. Get to tomorrow, then the next day. I'm proud of you! 🦋


	15. 15.| Finn and Poe.

Rey's Pov.|  
-  
"So! How was it?" I squeal as soon as Rose enters our house.   
"Amazing!" She squeals back.  
"Tell me, everything." I said, running up the stairs. I sit in the bathroom while Rose starts to take her makeup off.   
"We kissed!"   
"No!" I am shocked but mostly happy.  
"Yeah!" She giggles. She tells me some more, but I am dying to tell her about Pandora and Phasma. But I shouldn't? I can't betray them? I really want to. No, I should wait until she's ready to tell us. 

The birds are loud as we make our way toward our classroom. I place my bag down on my table next to Kylo, we are early so it's just me and Rose here.   
"I'm just getting a tissue." I complain to Rose as my allergies to god knows what starts again. Before I go, I grab a tablet from my pocket, swallowing it with a gulp of water. I swing the doors open, and grab a tissue quickly, cleaning all the snot away. As I'm making my way back to our classroom, I hear an extremely soft moan. My ears become more sensitive and I try to look for where it came from. When I walk forwards some more, two boys are in the storage cupboard, making out. At first I don't notice who it is, and curiosity gets the better of me and I walk closer.   
"Finn?" I almost yell in utter shock. He suddenly turns round, his face growing paler. I look at the other person.  
"Poe?" I yell even more shocked.   
"Shh." They hiss.  
"You-. I-. Rose-. He-." I am shocked out of my mind and I have no idea what to say.  
"You and Rose-." I manage.  
"I know. I didn't mean to lead her on. I wanted to get lunch and she thought it was a date and then she kissed me.. and I-." He tries to explain.  
"Rey please don't tell anyone. Especially Rose, we aren't ready yet." Poe pleads.  
"I promise." I say, hugging them both. I am still their friend, I can't out them.

My brain is still hurting from shock. But I go back to the classroom and pretend that nothing has happened. Pandora is now in there, with Phasma and Rose. Poe and Finn enter the classroom not long after me. We blush awkwardly but continue to pretend that nothing is wrong.  
"Oh, while everyone is here, I have something to tell you all. Pandora says, and we gather round.   
"I'm dating Phasma." She says leaning on her. I sigh in relief, that's one secret out.   
"But only us can know, we can't let Snoke know, he doesn't like it." Phasma says.   
"Yeah, I know." I say.  
"What do you mean?" Pandora asks.  
"I'm dating Kylo." I say.   
"Sorry what now?" Poe starts.  
"Rey, Phasma isn't that bad, but Kylo?" Finn goes.  
"Gee! Thanks." Phasma says sarcastically. Rose stands next to me, indicating that she's on my side. I raise my eyebrows slightly at them both, warning them. I wouldn't actually out them, but they don't know that.  
"Maybe he's not that bad?" Finn says very unbelievably, and Poe nods.   
"While we are on the topic of dating, Finn and I are together!" Rose announces, rushing over to him and kissing him. Poe and I look at each other very awkwardly. And Finn looks very confused too. 

If just by sheer chance, the next person to enter, is Ben. It's just us in the classroom so I rush straight over to him and kiss him.   
"Hi." I blush.  
"Hey." He says. In the background I hear Poe and Finn making retching noises. So to piss them off, I kiss Ben again, more passionately. And I stick my middle finger up at them both. Ben's breathing gets heavier. He tries to speak but I carry on. After a few more precious seconds, I let him breathe.  
"I missed you." I whisper, only loud enough for him to hear it. I turn back to face everyone else. Phasma and Pandora copied us, and are making out in the table. Finn, Poe and Rose are chattering. Ben places his bag on his desk, and wraps his arms around me, his chin resting on my head. 

Footsteps approach. Phasma prises herself away from Pandora, winking at her as she makes her way to Ben. He unwraps his arms from me, kissing my head briefly, then he puts on the moodiest face you have ever seen, and stands with his arms folded talking to Phasma. Pandora was quick enough to get near the others to make the conversation look natural, but I'm not going to make it, so I open my bag, and pull out my water bottle, pretending I needed a drink, then I walk over to join the others. At that moment, Snoke, Hux and another boy called Jacob walk in. Jacob looks scared and runs to his desk. Snoke and Hux talk to Phasma and Kylo while we pretend nothing has happened. 

"You need to tell her. Or at least break up with her." I argue.  
"I know. I don't want to hurt her." He says regretfully.  
"Finn if you lead her on it's gonna hurt her more."  
"Yeah." He admits.  
"Even though she likes you, she'll get over it, you were friends first and will continue to be, and I know she'll support you."   
"Disneyland?" He randomly says loudly, making it sound like a question. I look to my left and see Rose approaching us.   
"Yeah.." I try to play along, but remember,  
"For my English project with Ben AND my Art project with Pandora, we are basing it on Disneyland, so I thought we could all go. For like "research!" I say.  
"Let's sort it." Rose says as she joins us. I breathe out. She believed it. Well it want a lie really, was it?   
"Yeah! It will be so much fun!" I say.  
"So who's going..." Finn asks. I know he doesn't want Kylo to come. I give him a hard silent stare that says 'I didn't judge who you loved, so don't judge who I love.'   
"Me, you two, Phasma, Pandora, Ben, Poe." I list them all.  
-  
So much writers block 🙈😗✌️  
This was such a shit chapter


End file.
